We need to save the turkeys this Thanksgiving. Here is our plan of action
Hello, everyone! Thanksgiving is a little under a week away and we at Montana Jacks couldn’t be more excited. We get to hang out with our families, listen to our older relatives rant about politics, and eat an uncomfortable amount of food in celebration of a time when some pilgrims finally decided to stop tormenting the natives and sit down for an evening and relax! While there are many downsides to the holiday, there is one that is just a bit too upsetting: the death of gosh knows how many turkeys! Now, don’t get us wrong, we tend to overindulge in meat-based dishes, but picking one animal out and choosing that as the dish of the day is a bit outrageous.
Our Billings restaurant has a special place in our heart for turkeys, so we’ve decided to put out our guide to saving a turkey’s life this Thanksgiving!
Contact your local farm
If you have the funds to purchase a turkey, or several turkeys, contact your local farm that raises these birds. Ask if you can buy a few fresh; make sure to say that you plan to EAT them, not rescue them so as not to make the town suspicious. Then, you can invite the foul to live amongst you and train them to help you around the house. However, make sure to compensate them; you ARE releasing them from a life of captivity and certain death, after all.
Write a petition
One of the best ways is to write up a petition stating why you think we should spare the lives of turkeys this Thanksgiving! While the vegan population here in Montana is sparse, you can surely get some of the hippies over in California, Colorado, and Oregon to join in. In fact, they’ll probably take it to an entirely different level, so be sure to prepare yourself for a roller coaster of protests and campaigning for the lives of turkeys!
Call your representatives
Lawmakers exist for a reason, and you should totally take advantage of how helpful our representatives are! I mean, really, remember Greg Gianforte body slammed somebody because he was so passionate! If they’ll body slam somebody over human health care, just imagine what they’ll do for turkey health care!
Write about it on Facebook
Do what the rest of the people of our generation do: complain on Facebook! Doing this ensures that all 300 of your “friends” will probably either scroll past your post or read a few words and then decide to scroll! Trust us, everybody is doing it!
Come to Montana Jacks
Let’s be honest, all of the suggestions listed above are ridiculous. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore the turkey issue. We suggest you come into our restaurant and order something that isn’t made with turkey! We have a huge menu of dishes to choose from, too.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! We hope you enjoyed this silly post and that you have an even more enjoyable “anything-but-turkey” day this year!